Chasing The Wind
by simplychaoticxx
Summary: After a night's tragic events, the students of Degrassi each take their turn visiting one of their own in the hospital. Many stop for a moment and recollect the memories they had up until the incident.
1. Chapter 1

**Chasing The Wind**

Title: Chasing The Wind  
Tagline: Your heartbeat is like a timer, counting down the minutes till your death.  
Rating: PG-13  
Reasons for rating: to be safe  
Summary: After a night's tragic events, the students of Degrassi each take their turn visiting one of their own in the hospital. Many stop for a moment and recollect the memories they had up until the incident.  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Degrassi-related, nor am I affiliated to any members of the cast and crew.

**Chapter One**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The heart monitor called out, adding to the tension in the hospital room. Manny gripped the girl's hand tighter, her eyes red with fatigue and her clothes still dirty for the night's incident. Manny's eyes welded up at the remembrance of what had happened, and she shuddered despite herself.

JT entered the room. He put his hand on her shoulder.

"Manny, please. Go home. Get some rest. I'll watch over her." he said sympathetically.

Tears dribbled down the young woman's cheeks, but she swiftly brushed them away with her free hand.

"I can't leave, JT. I have to know what's going to happen. I need to be here for her. She needs me. I can feel it."

JT sighed, rubbed his eyes with his index finger and thumb, then crouched beside Manny.

"Let me stay with you."

Manny released the girl's hand, and wrapped her arms around JT's neck. He noticed the water in her eyes. He saw his reflection, but saw also the girl, and the worry Manny had for her. He reached up and rubbed underneath Manny's eyes.

"Okay." she finally whispered.

She then buried her face in JT's neck while she cried and JT patted her back. When the tears ceased, she looked up into his eyes, and cleared her throat.

"Thank you JT."

"I love you, Manny."

He kissed her gently on the lips, wishing the moment to last forever. Manny kissed him back, remembering all the good feelings she had, the memories before the incident.

_"Stop it!" Manny giggled as JT tickled her belly. After 2 long hours of working on their last project assigned at Degrassi, they opted for a break and had turned on the TV. It didn't take long for JT to become distracted and start being a goofball again._

_He stopped, but continuing looking into Manny's eyes as she stared back at him. She tried to read him, wondering what he was thinking, when he leaned in and kissed her. Surprised, but unwilling to make him stop, she kissed him back, wondering what they were doing._

_JT let go, questioning his own actions. It was too late now. He'd have to tell her._

_"Manny, look, I know I lost to Craig once, and I know he really hurt you, but I really do care about you. I want to make you and me work this time. For real."_

_Manny looked at him, but said nothing._

_"I promise I've changed okay I'm not immature and I won't break your heart and..."_

_Manny put her fingers on his lips, silently telling him to stop talking. She moved in, and kissed him again. They smiled, changing their friendship to romance. For better, or for worse._

"Here," JT said, handing Manny some change, "go get some food downstairs. I'll stay with Emma."

"He's going to pay for this," JT thought to himself. "big time."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Manny shifted her weight from foot to foot, staring at the top of the elevator, as she watched the numbers light up.

5...4...3...2...G. Ding!

She stepped out and turned to corner to head into the Coffee House.

"Manny?" a familiar voice called out.

She turned around.

"I came as soon as I could..." the childhood friend said.

"Oh, Toby..." she responded as she burst into tears.

Toby awkwardly patted her back as she cried softly. Even at 19, he still wasn't that smooth (not that he would consider Manny, that was JT's property), but this was different than grade seven... when a young Emma was found outside crying because of himself and JT...and their stupid idea to invite Sean over...

_"Emma?" Toby called out, closing the door behind him, trapping the noise from Ashley's party inside the house. _

_Crickets chirped. He looked around and finally saw her sitting on the bench, her back facing him._

_"There you are," he said, "Look, it was stupid of me to invite Sean and I want you to know the only reason I did was 'cause..."_

_The moment was interrupted by Sean, exiting from the same door Toby had, with his jacket in hand. He quickly by-passed Toby. Emma tried not to cry, but couldn't stop herself when Sean turned around to face her, with his head cocked and mouth half-open, like he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. _

_Meanwhile, Toby had slowly made his way to the bench and sat down next to Emma. She turned to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck as she cried over the boy who broke her innocent heart. Toby then put his hands on her back, looking at Sean. Sean, his mouth more open now, as if in shock, didn't speak a word, but only turned his back and walked away._

_Emma sniffed as Toby removed his glasses and held her like he always wanted to, minus the crying, minus Sean, minus the party... minus everything that had happened that night..._

_"Thank you Toby," Emma breathed out in between inhalation, "for being an amazing friend."_

_And as the young friends sat together, Emma became oblivious to the fact that she wasn't the only broken-hearted person sitting on that bench._

Toby finally realized he was crying too, he was scared for Emma, had he ever told her how much she meant to him? How much her friendship had value and importance? Had he ever thanked for the night after the shooting...

_Toby stood alone as parents, teachers, family members, and even complete strangers lighted candles on the front steps of Degrassi, many adding flowers and signs expressing the only question people had been asking that day. He fought back the tears, blinking constantly. He suddenly felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Emma. Someone put down a new poster, a picture of Jimmy in grade eight, with a few surrounding pictures. Underneath, the simple question lay to read "Why?"._

_Caving in, Toby turned himself towards Emma and buried himself in her shoulder as she did the same. His glasses were displaced, but at that moment, Toby didn't care. He had been Rick's friend. He was the friend of a 'psycho'. Could he have stopped it? Could he have saved Jimmy? Or Emma for that matter?_

_Finally looking away, Toby adjusted his glasses as a familiar tear-stricken face pressed the side of her head against his, and he did the same. They both stood leaning on each other, not wanting to stand separated and afraid, that dreadful night that spoke of death and hospitals. Words were not needed then, only the knowledge that they were alive, and they weren't alone._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Toby and Manny sat facing each other around a little circular table at The Coffee Shop. Manny sipped her coffee, Toby nervously cracked his stubby fingers.

"Remember when you had that massive crush on Emma," Manny asked, "and you were always so jealous of Sean?"

Toby half-cringed, half-laughed at the old memory of his slight obsession with young Emma. He wondered if deep down he always cared about her, maybe just pushed his feelings away since it was apparent she did not return them. He still was, through and through, her friend, and that was enough to satisfy him.

"Yah," Toby laughed, "funny the stuff we remember..."

Silence owned both friends after Toby's comment. Manny continuing sipping her coffee.

"JT is waiting upstairs..." Manny said.

"Do you want to go back?" Toby asked.

"Okay."

Toby and Manny walked to the elevator door, and pushed the "up" arrow. The doors finally opened, and they stepped inside. Manny fidgeted with her hair while Toby outstretched his arm to push the number.

"She's on the fifth floor." Manny quietly said.

The button was pushed, and the doors closed. Toby awkwardly kept a distance from Manny, holding his hands in front of him. Some things, he thought, never changed, like his awkwardness around girls.

Ding!

They stepped out, and Manny called out to Toby.

"This way, room 511"

Toby followed, and stepped through the door to find Emma is an awful state. Bruises covered her body, and the evil heart monitor continued to beep out it's sad song.

"Hey Tobs." JT said dully, which was understandable, everyone was tired.

"Hi JT" Toby signalled, waving his hand in a sort of lifeless way.

"How is she? Any change?" Manny asked, cuddling around JT.

"Nothing. No change," JT declared, frustrated, "Stupid heart monitor."

He swore under his breath. Manny rubbed his arm, hoping somehow it would make him feel better. She rested her head on his shoulder as she sat down in his lap.

"I just want it to be a dream..." JT bitterly whispered.

"So do we, JT..." Manny answered.

"At least we have each other." Toby said as he approached the window and looked out, waiting for some kind of sign. He noticed a butterfly flying across the sky on the opposite side of the window.

"She's going to be okay." Toby declared, even if he didn't believe it. They needed positive thoughts to comfort them. They needed each other as much as they needed Emma to be okay. She would be sorely missed if she left them behind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Paige sat her bed, flipping through old yearbooks from when she attended Degrassi Community School. They weren't placed in any specific order, that way Paige could find humour looking at past and present pictures, comparing what her friends were, and what they had become. She grabbed a random yearbook that lay across her legs, and checked the year. 2004-2005, Grade Eleven. She delicately turned every page, making sure not to miss a single picture that could spark her memory.

Paige had always loved Degrassi, for better or for worse, she usually ran things and had amazingly close friends she knew she could count on; not that she needed it. Paige was independent, but her one weakness was caused by horrible Dean. Long ago, she had forgiven herself, and now was not the time to be reminded of Dean or any horrible memory.

Finally arriving at the teacher's photo section, Paige Michalchuck glanced over every one. Mrs. Hatzilakos, Mrs. Kwan, Mr. Oleander...

_Paige blinked several times, trying to concentrate, trying to keep her eyes open. She felt so exhausted, not knowing why. She used her arm and right hand to keep her head up, desperately avoiding being reprimanded by a teacher._

"Today, I thought we'd talk about bias in the media, how the news sometimes twists the facts." Matt Oleander began in Media Immersion class.

Hazel Aden turned towards her best friend, and noticed Paige's laziness. Mr. Oleander continued obliviously.

"You doing the nod of sleep, it's not attractive." she whispered.

Paige rolled her and lazily tried to sit upright. She return Hazel's remark with a witty response.

"So avert your eyes, evil Mary kept me for the late shift."

Paige blinked hard, trying to focus.

"Paige?" Mr. Oleander called.

She turned to face him, wondering what he was going to ask. She wasn't in the mood to answer, and even if she had, it would have been highly unlikely for her to answer being brain-dead that day.

"Can you tell me how that's different from outright lying?"

She hesitated, but finally came up with a decent response.

"To lie is to present a falsehood; bias is telling the truth, just a version of the truth."

Matt nodded.

"Good."

He put his hand down on the table, releasing a folded paper from it.

"Okay, so back to why pop stars marry once they release a new CD..." He said to the class.

Paige, meanwhile, took the paper, and unfolded it. It was a letter from Matt, asking her to meet him. She smiled to herself, finally something going right today.

Twenty minutes later, the bell rang, and twenty three minutes later, Paige and Matt were kissing in the place Matt had suggested on the note. He ran his hands over her lower back, slowly rising them to finally tangle them in her long blonde hair. Meanwhile, Paige ran her fingers through Matt's hair as she looked up into him. She pushed her hands on his chest, and stopped for a moment.

"I never had a teacher pass me a note before." she remarked, teasing him.

He kissed her briefly, and stopped to look around the place.

"Look, I know this place isn't romantic, but it seems like every time we try to get together, there's always something--

He was interrupted by the noise of the door trying to be pushed open, and Matt pushed against it to prevent whoever was on the opposite side from entering. When it stopped, he ran his hands through his thick hair, and returned to Paige, kissing her passionately.

She stopped him a second time, but kept her face inches away from him.

"Can I come over tonight?" she softly asked, whispering it like it was a secret only he could know, which was in fact the case.

"Mmmmm...maybe..." Matt answered in between kisses.

Paige sighed. She grabbed a pen that rested on top of the table next to her bed, and made a big "X" on top of Matt's photograph. Satisfied, she smiled and thought "Perfect". Moving on through the yearbook, she stopped and glanced at several photos. Seeing Emma's, she remembered Rick, and how Emma supported her... that was until it started getting out of control. Paige agreed that Rick did deserve what he got near the beginning, but some people took it too far... maybe that's why he brought the gun. She started tearing up, trying to imagine the suffering Emma must of had, having a gun pointed to her... Sean saving her...

Ordinarily, even under the shooting's circumstances, Paige would have experienced a tad of jealousy towards Emma because of what Sean had done, but she had been saved too. Taking her senior year yearbook, she flipped (a little less carelessly this time) through the pages until she found him. Her Knight In Shining Armour.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

_Paige knocked on Matt's apartment door. She swung a blonde piece of hair behind her shoulder and adjusted her black shirt. Matt opened the door enough to poke his head through._

_"Oh, hey!"_

_"Hey," Paige smiled, "...are you gonna let me come in?"_

_"Right." Matt replied._

_He ran his hand through his hair and opened the door wider. Paige walked in to discover thick clouds of smoke and three guys, roughly Matt's age, completely stoned. Matt grabbed her arm and led her near the kitchen area._

_"Heyyyyy, who's the pretty lady?" said one guy._

_Matt turned to look at him_

_"Shut up, Ben."_

_He turned back to Paige._

_"I'm sorry... I forgot..."_

_Paige, still a look of confusion upon her face, questioned Matt. She then noticed the drugs on the kitchen counter._

_"What the hell is going on?"_

_Matt could feel his friends staring at him, so he grabbed Paige's arm and forced her position to change, so her back would be facing the guys. He leaned over her shoulder._

_"We do it for the money, okay?"_

_Paige, in complete disbelief, slapped Matt right across the face._

_"Fuck you." she bitterly replied._

_She made her way across the room, angrily stomping her feet and grabbed the doorknob, as another guy spoke._

_"Leaving so soon, Blondie? The party's just starting!"_

_Then all three guys burst into laughter._

_Paige removed her hand from the knob and turned around._

_"Get a life. All of you. You're pathetic."_

_"Paige, wait." Matt called._

_"Shut up," Paige replied, "I trusted you..."_

_Then she opened and slammed the door shut, withholding tears._

_Fifteen minutes later, she was nearly 5 blocks away from her home. She was one driveway away from passing Spinner's house and as she approached, she could hear him outside._

_"Dammit!" he said to no one in particular._

_Spinner was looking under the hood of his car with a flashlight, oblivious that Paige had stopped and was staring at him._

_Giving up, he finally closed the hood, leaving the job for tomorrow during daylight. He wiped his hands on a dirty cloth that rested in his pocket._

_He turned and saw Paige. Confused, he called out her name._

_"Paige?"_

_"... sorry" she said, and started to walk away._

_Spinner jogged to catch up._

_"Paige!"_

_She turned around as the light from the streetlight reflected on her face. He noticed the tears shining, and he stepped closer._

_"What's wrong?" he asked._

_Paige looked down, embarrassed. Spinner used his index finger and brought her chin up._

_"Who did this?" he angrily asked, vowing revenge._

_"It d-d-doesn't mat-t-t-ter..." Paige stuttered._

_"Yes, it does." he answered, fitting his hand around her cheek. She turned into it, and he wiped her tears._

_"Why?" she asked, looking up at him._

_Spinner looked into her eyes, and could only find one way to answer. He leaned in, brushing his lips onto hers. He found the contours of her mouth as he wrapped his arms around her. Paige put her hands tenderly on his face, passionately kissing him back._

_Ashamed at what he had just done, he stepped back._

_"Now it's my turn to be sorry..." he said, looking down._

_"What are you sorry for? I didn't stop you..."_

_"Because... I had my chance with you already..."_

_Paige approached him, taking his hands into hers._

_"I believe in second chances."_

_"I don't deserve it" Spinner admitted._

_Nevertheless, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her, unwilling to let her go, afraid to lose her again._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

It wasn't that night that Paige had been saved, rather the night when she remembered the memories she had with Spinner, and as they stood together that night in each other's arms, the good times with him easily floated back, as if they had never truly been forgotten.

At first, it was only a few calls per week, secret insiders no one understood and unforgettable laughs. But as the weeks passed, they both found themselves incapable of hiding their affection, and one of Degrassi's most famous couples was soon no longer a old recollection from previous years.

Paige found herself unwilling to go to court again, and frankly was too scared of Matt, so he continued teaching at Degrassi, despite the drug sales.

Spinner and Paige had been together for nearly a month, and that's when Matt chose to strike at her. As she still sat in her bed, Paige clutched her hair and looked down, dripping small wet tears onto her sheets.

_Spinner held his arms around Paige's waist, and she stood on her tippy-toes to reach up to kiss him briefly._

_"See you later, honey-bee" she smiled._

_She turned to go to her next class, but Spinner wouldn't let go. He began tickling her sides, and she leaned over, laughing._

_"Stop it" she giggled._

_"Only if you look at me" Spinner replied, smiling._

_Confused, Paige looked up as Spinner finally stopped. He leaned down and kissed her, ever so gently, caressing her face in his hands. Paige eagerly kissed him back, and when they parted, Spinner rested his forehead upon hers._

_"See you later" he said, and kissed her forehead._

_Paige smiled, and turned to start her way to her next class. Suddenly, and arm reached out and pulled her into another classroom. She gasped, and memories of Dean came rushing back. She panicked as she noticed the blinds and windows were closed. Would anyone find her?_

_The arm gripped her more impatiently, and Paige looked up to realize it was Matt. She smelled the evil aroma of alcohol, and she retained the urge to cough._

_"Drinking during school hours, not the smartest move Matt. Then again, since when have you done the smart thing?" she challenged him._

_He laughed, but his grip tightened on her arm. Paige resisted the urge to show any sign of pain._

_"Just tell me something, who did you tell?" Matt said angrily._

_Puzzled, Paige didn't know what to say._

_"I don't know what you're talking about." she replied._

_Matt tugged her arm to bring her closer to him, and whispered into her ear._

_"Come on, Paige, you can't always be strong... or maybe you feel you have to be because he broke you, and you can't let that happen again... is that it?"_

_Caught off guard, Paige had nothing to say._

_"Lucky for you, Dean was a pal of mine, and I don't really approve of what he did, but I understand why he warned me about you, you stupid bitch."_

_He slapped her across the face, and Paige fell to the floor. Tears escaped freely._

_"Now Paige, I know you didn't like that, and I didn't either, but you had no business telling anyone."_

Someone found out and reported the drugs, she_ thought._

_"I didn't tell anyone Matt, I want you out of my life."_

_Her cell phone vibrated, but it went unnoticed. Matt leaned down to Paige, his eyes and behaviour affected by the alcohol intake._

_"My buddy called me, the cops busted our apartment. They're coming for me. And if I'm going down, so are you."_

_He kicked her as Paige wondered how Matt could have been so different than what she thought. _

_Just then, Spinner burst through the door. He stood, in complete shock for a moment, then walked up to Matt, who always wore a look of surprise, and punched him._

_Paige quickly stood up and Spinner wrapped his arm around her, trying to protect her, and wishing he would have clued in sooner. Mr. Simpson walked by and looked into the room, found himself in complete shock, and stepped inside._

_The rest Paige remembered as a blur, only fragments of sentences left._

_"There's been a misunderstanding..." Matt said._

_"You weren't answering my text message, and that's unlike you... I was scared..." Spinner said as he kept her close._

_"Paige, you're free to go home for the rest of the day" Principal Hatzilakos answered, sympathizing._

_The cop cars arrived shortly, and arrested Matt on several charges, including the possession of pot and the physical violence he inflicted on Paige. Spinner held Paige closely in his arms and they watched the car drive away, freeing them from terror they knew he could bring. _

_Spinner walked Paige home that day, hand in hand, and she suddenly stopped. He looked into her clouded eyes._

_"Thank you..." she said._

_They hugged tenderly, and Spinner promised herself he would always save her._

Just then, Paige's cell rang.

"Hello?" she replied hoarsely.

"It's me."

"Spinner," she replied, checking the clock, "it's like 1 in the morning. What's going on?"

"Jay just called me, Emma's in the hospital. Something bad


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Paige quickly put on a pair of snug jeans and a t-shirt with a sweater on top, pulled her hair up into a ponytail, grabbed her cell, and quietly went down the stairs. Spinner pulled up in the driveway nearly 10 minutes after the phone call he had made to Paige and waited. She quickly grabbed her jacket, inserted her cell in the pocket, and slipped on a pair of runners.

Once in the car, she leaned over and met Spinner in a soft, delicate kiss. She smiled, and put on her seatbelt.

"You didn't tell me why Emma's in the hospital, you know." Paige questioned.

Spinner kept his eyes on the road.

"Because I don't know. Jay just told me to meet him there."

Paige kept quiet a few moments afterwards.

"Do her parents know yet?"

Spinner paused.

"All I know is that they left for a two-week cruise last week or so. Whether they know or not... I'm not so sure."

"They must." Paige said assertively.

Paige reached her Spinner's hand, and they interlocked fingers as he drove down the deserted roads. Several times they watched cop cars pass by them, which was indeed quite abnormal. Paige turned on the radio, only to be shocked at the announcement

_"Police cars are still searching for any possible suspects in the --"_

Paige looked up at Spinner as the noise was swiftly cut short.

"I don't want to hear about through a radio station by someone who doesn't even know anything, and says it so nonchalantly, like it doesn't bother them whatsoever. We'll talk to Jay when we get there." He simply stated.

Finally arriving at the hospital, they parked the car and Spinner put his arm around Paige's waist as they walked into the entrance. He let go as he opened the door for her, and they immediately noticed Jay pacing back and forth. He looked up and approached them.

"Hello, Jay." Paige said, clinging both her hands around Spinner's arm.

"Hey" he managed to mumble back, trying to stifle his concern.

Paige noticed the hurt in Jay's eyes, and felt the need to say something comforting.

"It's going to be okay..." she replied, and reached out to rub his shoulder.

"I wish people would stop saying that," he said, border lining on anger, "... it's not going to be okay. I might never get a chance to apologize to her, get a chance to explain..."

He looked down to his shoes again, shrinking his height, almost like making himself smaller to match the way he felt.

"... I love her, Paige."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Tears filled Jay's eyes, while Paige, who also had a glazy glare, and Spinner remained silent. In some cases, maybe saying nothing at all can be more comforting than words that perhaps don't have proof behind them. Spinner asked which room Emma was staying in at the desk, and they all shuffled towards the open elevator door. The ride up was silent, Paige only clung to Spinner, thankful she wasn't alone; and wished she could do something, say something, to comfort Jay, which seemed next to impossible. They turned the bend, and walked into room 511.

Toby turned around as he heard footsteps, breaking his view through the window. Manny pulled her head back up from JT's shoulder.

Paige nodded in acknowledgement to JT, who quickly reverted to his view on Emma, as well as Toby, who turned back around to watch outside, maybe because it was too hard to face reality this time.

"Hello Paige" Manny said as she got up and walked towards her, pulling Paige into a hug.

"I'm so sorry..." was all Paige managed to say before she and Manny began tearing up.

Spinner stood watching Paige, and Jay walked over to the side of Emma's bed, and stood completely still, his eyes fixated on her even though it hurt to see her, like a car crash, when everything's been busted up and the scene is dreadful, but you can't look away. Spinner noticed, and whispered over to Paige.

"I think we should leave him alone for a couple minutes with her."

Paige nodded in agreement, and Manny walked over to her best friends, and told them the same. Neither understood the reasoning, but walked out anyway.

"Why are we leaving him in there?" Toby asked as all five stood in the hallway.

"Because... he needs to let it out before she's gone..." Manny replied.

"What are you talking about?" JT asked.

"He's in love with her..." Paige simply said, "it's kind of hard to miss it, hun."

"You knew?" Spinner asked.

"Of course I did... we all know his little Greenpeace is the only one who makes him happy, and less of a jerk." Paige replied, looking at the closed door.

"You know Paige, the tragic thing is, you're probably right.. and there he is," Manny pointed to the door, "probably pouring out his soul to her... and she won't even know..."

"Maybe it's easier for him to see the part that she's still alive, and so he might as well treat her like she is." Toby remarked.

"I guess you're right," Manny replied, "I just wish she could have seen all the times he stared at her, looking like he was trying to say something that was long overdue.."

"At least he's doing it now." Spinner said, "before it's too late."

"He shouldn't be waiting until she's in the fucking hospital to be 'professing his love' for her or whatever." Toby snapped.

"Tobs, you're one to talk." JT replied.

"Guys, just shut up. It's not about who loved Emma first and the timing... it's about the fact that our friend, the girl that tried to juggle all our pathetic problems at once and make them right again, might just be about to leave us..." Manny said, tears falling once more.

"I'm sorry, Manny." JT pulled her into a strong genuine hug, her tears splattering on his shirt.

"Me too." Toby said.

Back inside the room, Jay took JT's seat, leaned over, and grabbed Emma's hand with both hands.

"Emma? ... It's me. Jay."

No response.

"I know you're wondering why I'm here, the thing is, I don't think I ever really got the chance to explain to you...about like what happened..."

Still, no response came.

"... I only stayed with Alex because... well she was like suicidal, she said she'd kill herself if she didn't have me to help her deal with her problems and stuff... and well I just didn't feel the same, she became more of a sister for me... so at first I started going to the ravine... hoping Alex would find out and dump me... and then I started having... feelings... for you, and I admit... the way I went about it to get my way with you and Alex wasn't smart... but when have I ever said the right thing or done the right thing... It's like a disease, Emma... anything I have, I want gone, destroyed... maybe because life taught me that people let you down... and maybe I just think I should cut to the chase... and anything I want, I can't seem to keep a steady hold on it, like I know I'm doomed to fuck it up, so I stop trying..."

Jay sighed.

"The thing is, I knew I fucked it up by asking you to the ravine. It was stupid, and I wanted to make it up to you, to show you I'd change if you let me... but I didn't know how... I didn't know how to make myself stop being the outside me, the part that just doesn't seem to care and is unaffected... I didn't know how to show you the inside me... the part that just dies to want to make you happy... the part that never ever meant to hurt you, that promised I wouldn't abandon you like Cameron... the part that just wanted to scream I love you..."

He drew in a breath.

"I know after a while we became friends, and hung out and talked, and maybe we both thought it was easier to ignore what had happened, and I'm sorry it took this long for me to just say it... I thought maybe pretending the feelings I had when we were together as friends weren't there... that they'd go away, that we could eventually pursue a strong friendship and nothing more... but I couldn't... and no amount of cold comforts made your image go away in my mind... and that's when I knew, I could try and forget, and drown you with booze and drugs... you'd still be there... in a sense reminding me of what I could have been, and what I wished I could take back to make it right..."

He looked down, searching for a way to make it sound right.

"I need you Emma, not want... I **need **you to make me the better person I know is in me somewhere that only you can bring out... and I need you to see I'm serious, and that I'm seriously falling for you... you can't leave..."

Tears welled in Jay's eyes.

"Don't leave me to fend for myself... I can't go back to who I used to be after feeling love like this... just...don't go..."

Maybe in the perfect movie or scene, Emma would have opened her eyes and reached out to touch Jay's salty cheek and smiled at him... but she remained silent, and the heart monitor kept calling out to Jay, a horrible reminder that her life depended on the flow of the beeps, that she was half-dead, but half-alive, still incapable of responding to words Jay never had the nerve to say.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Spinner glanced at his watch.

"He's been in there for a while." he commented.

"Maybe you should go see him, hun," Paige replied, "I think for the first time Jay really needs someone to talk to."

"He's talking to Emma." Toby glared.

Paige returned the look.

"You know what I mean."

"Yah... I think you're right." Spinner finally said.

He gently creaked the door open, and closed it with extreme ease. He slowly paced over to Jay, who was still sitting down, grasping onto Emma's hand. After noticing Spinner, he somewhat nodded to acknowledge his presence, then returned his attention to Emma. Spinner walked over, at a lack of words. In no way could he relate to Jay, so he simply put his hand on Jay's shoulder.

"It's going to be okay man."

"You don't understand..." Jay replied, hoping Spinner wouldn't noticed the wet blotches on the sheets.

Spinner paused.

"Maybe I don't, but you gotta see the good side man... it could be worse."

Enraged, Jay stood up.

"Oh yah Spinner! How was much can it get? Tell me, because honest to God, I don't see how much worse it can get."

"... You didn't lose anything yet... you still have everything you cared about..."

"She **is** my everything... and I lost her a long time ago..."

"She's not gone, Jay."

"She might as well be." Jay growled.

"You don't mean that." Spinner replied, beginning to see Jay in a new light.

Spinner grabbed Jay's shoulders.

"You can't give up. She needs it. You owe it to her. We all do."

_"Manny, there's nothing to be afraid of." a new fresh face to Degrassi said as she opened the school door._

_"Nothing but the grade eights." a petite seventh grade brunette replied._

_"They're only a year older than us." the tall blonde remarked, puzzled._

_"Yah, a whole year to think of ways to make us suffer" the brunette replied as the blonde dropped her Orientation papers on the floor._

_Spinner saw the moment, and pounced on it._

_"Hall pass." he demanded, placing his foot on the papers._

_"What?" the newcomer blonde asked._

_"You're not allowed on school property without a hall pass." he stated._

_"But we didn't get one." _

_"Then you'll both have to leave." Spinner said, as his friend Jimmy joined the group._

_"But, hm, we can't. It's the first day of school." the brunette answered, worried._

_The boys eyed each other._

_"Grade sevens are such geeks." Spinner laughed, and walked away with Jimmy._

That had been his first encounter with Emma and Manny, and goodness knows there had been plenty more with each.

_Spinner closed the door behind him and put his hand into his sweater. It was a breezy autumn night, the leaves crinkled as Spinner stepped on them. He took a habit to walking since the break-up with Paige, he couldn't seem to find anything to do. Things that used to matter, just didn't; the things he loved doing, he now resented, like it was some kind of reminder of how he had been happy. The truth was he didn't even feel like living anymore, it was a struggle just to breathe because of the ache. Maybe that's why he walked, it forced him to breathe to continue on. He recollected his old memories of Paige often, wondering what would have happened if he hadn't been caught up in a moment with Manny. He cursed himself for acting like an idiot, although it seemed ineviatable that he'd always be a screw-up._

_"Spinner?" Emma called from her porch._

_Tumbling out of his dream-world, he snapped back to reality._

_Emma stepped down, and joined him on the sidewalk. He remained silent, his eyes glazed._

_"You know, I see you walk by here everyday with your head hanging down, like you're off to the cemetary or a funeral or something..."_

_"It's not a crime to walk." Spinner commented, avoiding her glare, as if he was distracted by something in the distance._

_"It's not a crime to feel either."_

_Spinner did a double take, wondering how she knew._

_"What's that supposed to mean?" _

_"It means I just think you should talk to someone."_

_"Emma, guys... we just don't talk about this stuff... I don't even understand what I feel so how can I begin to explain it?"_

_"I'm not a guy."_

_Spinner glared, blunted showing the hurt._

_"Come on, talk to me..." Emma pleaded._

_"It hurts..." he said, looking down at his shoes._

_"I know." Emma replied, trying to comfort him._

_"God I screwed up so bad" He said as he ripped his eyes from his feet and staring at the sky as the sun reflected beads of gold in his eyes._

_"Just give it time... sometimes it's better to wait and clear your head, make a rational decision... before just interfering mindlessly..."_

_She paused._

_"Is she worth it, Spin?"_

_"I want her to be" he honestly said._

_"Then you already know what you're going to do." Emma replied, smiling._

_The following day, Spinner admitted the truth to Manny, who completely agreed it was simply a momentary thing. He waited for Paige - he knew in his heart what he had told Craig was the truth, "I know she's the one." And in time, Emma proved herself right, after all, Paige did come back._

Spinner reflected upon his provoked memory. He felt guilty, knowing he had never thanked her, knowing she had probably stopped him from messing around with other girls and completely losing Paige's trust. So many words unspoken to that girl, he thought, why are we only thinking of them now?


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

"I think we should get out of the hallway." Manny commented.

"There's always the family room." Toby replied.

"We passed by it when we got out of the elevators," Paige said, "it didn't look too busy."

"Okay, lets go." JT said.

"What about the others?" Manny said.

"Already ahead of you, Manny, " Paige replied, "I'll go tell Spinner."

Paige creaked the door open.

"We're going to the family room, come get us when you're done." she whispered, then closed the door again.

"Off we go," she said.

Paige led the way, and Toby followed, with his hands in his pockets, staring blankly at the ground that shined. He wondered how they kept the floors so clean when people were being rushed in and out of beds, and family members walked in and out of rooms to visit. He was uncomfortable in the hospital, it smelt like death, which was far from soothing in his current state.

Behind him, JT grabbed Manny's hand shyly. Manny blushed as she tightened her fingers around his. JT boyishly smiled at her, and she easily leaned her side into him. She looked up at him and smiled. He kissed her softly. With her face nearly inches away from his as they parted, he smiled and noticed his reflection in her eyes amongst the twinkling hospital lights.

_"JT, slow down," Manny giggled, "where are we going?"_

_"You'll see, come on!" JT shouted, as he pulled on her hand._

_JT sprang ahead and Manny struggled to keep up._

_"We're almost there!" JT exclaimed, and burst through a series of wild bushes._

_"Wow." Manny exclaimed and they stopped running._

_He had brought her to a cliff looking out over a big valley, and at the current hour, the sun was beginning to set and fade across the sky._

_"And I of course," JT said, putting down his bag, "brought provisions."_

_He smiled at Manny, then took out a couple blankets and a thermos._

_"You can't enjoy a sunset with blankets and coffee, or so I've been told." JT joked._

_Manny laughed, and walked up next to him._

_"You're silly." she teased._

_"But you love me anyway." he replied, and kissed her._

_"You shouldn't be so sure." Manny giggled._

_"Then, may I ask," JT said, wrapping his arms around her, "why in the heck are you here with me?"_

_"Why don't you tell me?" Manny joked back._

_JT swept a piece of hair away from Manny's face._

_"Something tells me I don't need to."_

_JT grabbed a blanket and spread it out on the ground, then sat down on it. Manny joined him as she sat down in between JT's legs and covered herself with the blanket. JT kissed the top of Manny's head, and worked his way down to her neck. She smiled and twisted her body._

_"Stop it." she said, laughing._

_JT smiled and kissed her, then returned to watching the sky. They were almost awe-struck by how beautiful it was that night, then JT spoke._

_"Worth the drive?" he asked._

_"So worth it." Manny said, turning into him, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him._


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

The group, minus Jay and Spinner, finally arrived into the family room. There was a couple tables with some unfinished puzzles on them and some surrounding chairs, a water dispenser at the far end of the room, and also a television that was turned on, and commercials were currently playing.

Toby took a seat, and began looking at the puzzle that lay on the table.

"Isn't that ironic?" he said aloud.

"What are you talking about?" JT asked, with his hand still firmly attached to Manny's.

"The puzzle." Toby explained, "It's ironic how some pieces are still missing to complete it, yet the gist of the image is visible."

"I still don't get it." Manny replied.

Toby sighed.

"It's like what happened to Emma. We know the gist of what happened today, but some details are missing."

"Oh." Manny replied vaguely, still trying to keep her hopes up about Emma.

The silence became forced. Toby tapped his foot on the floor.

"What are we going to do?" he asked.

"Stay here until she wakes up, I don't care what the doctors tell me." Manny replied.

"What if she doesn't?"

"Don't think like that, Tobs. She'll be okay. They're doing everything they can." JT replied.

"... I don't want to lose her" Toby whispered.

Manny left JT's side and sat down in the seat next to him. Toby looked up at her.

"Listen to me. We need to keep our spirits up. We have to believe she'll be okay. We have to have faith or else we have nothing."

Toby didn't respond, but in his heart, he already felt like he had lost everything of worth. Paige remained silent, eyes fixated upon the television screen as she flipped through the channels, like in a trance.

Again, the silence broke in.

"Does anyone have some change?" JT finally asked.

Most turned to look at him, confused.

"I'm thirsty. I was going to get some water."

"I have some," Manny said, "I'll get one for myself too."

Together, they walked over to the end of the room, and Manny took out her change. She put the change in the slot as she spoke.

"What are we going to do about Toby?" she whispered.

"He's just being protective. You know he always had a thing for her." JT whispered back.

"Still... I wish there was some way we could cheer him up, even for a moment."

"Guys..." Paige broke in, pointing at the screen.

A blonde woman in her mid-twenties came on the screen.

"Police are still searching for a suspect tonight," she announced, "The suspect in question is believed to be a dirty blonde male in his early twenties, just under six feet tall. He was last seen wearing blue jeans, a red t-shirt and a leather jacket, leaving a party on Second Avenue. Police cars showed up near midnight to an undisclosed residence to bust the party in question. As they arrived, they noticed the male pushing a young blonde into his car. Constable Dan Louis believes that the woman was beaten by her escort, as she could barely walk and the suspect had a firm, violent grip on her. Unfortunately, the attempts to catch the culprit have been unsuccessful so far, Louis lost the trail when the suspect crossed the railway tracks in his vehicle, a red mustang with the license plate DLROWYM before the train barriers came down to block automobiles from crossing as a train was coming in. We've also received information that the female who's name remains undisclosed was taken to the local hospital for treatment for the numerous bruises and scratches inflicted. No word yet if she will survive and what other violent acts were placed on her. Police urge citizens to call in and report if they have seen this man or his vehicle."

"It was my fault."

Everyone turned around, tears in their eyes.

"I was there. It was my fault."

"You couldn't have stopped it, Craig..." Manny said.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

"I was there. It was my fault." Craig repeated, stuffing his hands in his jean pockets.

"I still don't understand something," Toby began, "how did Emma get here? I mean one minute the news is saying she was in the car with whoever, and the next she's at the hospital? That doesn't make sense. I don't think the guy would have dropped her off at the hospital's doorstep."

Manny eyed JT, who was expressing a look of concern. She walked over to the abandoned chair next to Toby, and rubbed her temples.

"She passed out in JT's arms. I guess he must of pushed her out of the car at some point, and she walked to JT's... I don't know. All I know is that she showed up bruised, her eyes surrounded with red... blood on her crown... she hasn't been awake since..." Manny's voice broke off...

Toby said nothing. Craig finally walked in, and took a seat next to Paige. He put his elbows on his knees and connected his fingers together. He then put this head down, resting it on his tangled hands. Paige rubbed his back.

"It's going to be okay."

Craig didn't respond, he was wrapped up in memory - memories of Emma, that had grown faint while he pushed her aside for other girls. It wasn't that he regretted being with Ashley and Manny - they both taught him a lot, it was more among the lines that he wished he could have taken notice of Emma sooner, maybe he could have done something, anything to protect her... In his heart, he felt a kind of remorse that chained his feelings about Emma, as though he were screaming for her but she couldn't hear.

_"So, he's in grade nine? Manny asked._

_"Yah, I saw him come out of Simpson's homeroom this morning." Emma smiled._

_"Why do the niners get all the hotties?" Manny sadly questioned._

_"What do you mean? We have JT and Toby." Emma joked._

_"Shhh, there he is." Manny whispered, trying to appear occupied._

_"Where?" asked Emma as she turned her head, catching a glimpse of him._

_She quickly brought a book up to her face, pretending to read._

_Craig breezily walked over, and took a seat with Manny and Emma at their table in the library. he dropped his bag on the floor._

_"Emma Nelson, right?" he asked with a boyish smile._

_"You uhh... you baby-sit Angela Jeremiah..." Craig continued, as Emma put the book down._

_"I do," she said, "I mean I do, but.."_

_"You don't recognize me?" Craig asked, "Five years ago. Our mothers made us dance."_

_Craig grimaced, but did not get rid of his smile. It was something that couldn't be helped around Emma. She, in turn, gasped._

_"The wedding." She recalled._

_"Craig is Joey's step-son," Emma explained to a dazed Manny, "Angela's half-brother."_

_"Oh..." Manny replied, gazing at Craig, "oh hi.."_

_Craig waved with his hand, smiling once more._

_"Hey." he said to Manny._

_Returned his focus to Emma, he got nervous again, and stuttered._

_"Anyways, uhh... it was nice to see you again."_

_He winked, then got up and walked away from the table. Emma called out for him, and invited him to her mother's party, to which he replied "I'll be there". And he was there, every time but the one that mattered the most._

Spinner glared at Jay.

"Whoa dude, I had no idea it was that deep with her." he replied, once Jay had finished telling him everything about Emma.

"Yah, well, it is..." Jay said in a tone that showed his annoyance, mostly with himself.

It was silent for a moment, then Jay stood up.

"I need a fucking smoke."

He walked out of the room, hands in his pockets. He took the elevator down, and walked a short distance away from the hospital. He stood in the bushes, impatiently pulling out his cigarettes. He inserted one into his mouth, then dug the lighter out of his back pocket. Once he had a flame, he brought it to the cigarette. Placing the lighter back in his pocket with his left hand, he used his right to remove the smoke from his lips, and he exhaled. Jay brought it back to his lips nearly instantly, and he inhaled the smoke, then breathed it out again with ease. This process repeated several times until the cigarette had reached its end, then Jay took out another and lit it with his lighter. He paced slowly, shifting his weight from foot to foot, not quite sure what was left to do.

Paige stopped rubbing Craig's back momentarily.

"I think I'll go check on Spinner and Jay." she said wearily.

"Jay's here?" Craig said with a tone of disgust as he lifted his head.

Manny looked at him.

"Yes, Craig, Jay is here. Everyone who cares about Emma is."

"Bastard." Craig mumbled, putting his head down once more.

"Bye Paige." JT said as the petite blonde walked out of the room.

Spinner awkwardly stood still for a moment, then decided to pull up a chair. He didn't want to leave Emma alone, and the others would come back soon anyways. He stared at her for several moments until he heard the door open.

Paige walked over and sat down sideways on Spinner's lap, with her head down. Spinner's hands reached out as he wiped her hair away from her face, and turned it to face him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, seeing tears in Paige's eyes.

She managed to mumble out the news report, and then leaned her body into Spinner's as she started to cry. It was fast and it was hard, and all Spinner felt he could do was hold her, caress her, promising it would get better. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her, but also holding her body as close to him as possible, feeling her warmth upon him. He turned his face to hers once the tears had began slowing down.

"You know I love you Paige, right?" he asked.

"Of course I do. I love you too." she whispered back.

Spinner smiled despite the situation. Being with Paige made him feel like the possibilities were endless, like there was no barrier. She made him feel infinite... just like their love.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Outside, Jay threw his third cigarette butt on the ground. He was frustrated, why had he waited so long to be honest? ... Why was it so hard for him to let his facade fall and be himself? And most of all, why had he waited so long... why had he chosen now to tell her?

He knew deep down she wasn't going to make it. The bruises... the blood... the broken bones...everything about the way she looked just yelled "death". He couldn't escape it. He wanted to, but by the fourth cigarette his stress had not left, and all he could think about was how Emma would be telling him a bunch of garbage about how it was ruining the environment and his health. He exhaled a cloud of smoke slowly, then threw the final butt on the ground.

Enough, he thought to himself.

He promised himself he was going to clean up for Emma's sake. She would have wanted him to. She would have listened to him tell her about how his dad beat him, how he found his mother in the kitchen with a bullet through her head, how lost he was... and she would have helped him move on and deal with it without harming himself. She would have wanted to see him happy, he was sure of it.

Slowly, Jay walked back up to the hospital, went through its automatic doors and headed for the elevators. He was going to be okay. He owed it to her to be.

Manny rolled her thumbs as JT paced around, sipping his bottle of water simply to distract himself. Toby had his arms folded on the table with his head resting on them. He was tired and his eyes burned. His position might have concluded he was staring at the crack in the table, but really he was simply focused on wishing Emma would wake up. Craig seemed to be stuck on the same situation.

"Craig..." Manny finally said, "you said it was your fault. What did you mean?"

"I was there. At that party."

"So?" JT asked.

"So... Emma was there... with Ryan. You know, her boyfriend that treats her like dirt?"

"I thought they had broken up?" Manny asked, confused.

"I guess not. Anyways, there was beer there and I got kinda depressed seeing her with him.. so I just started drinking. And then I started to feel good, you know? So I went over to her when Ryan was gone and I told her I was in love with her and it wasn't the alcohol it was really me and I put my hand on her cheek and she looked me with the most pained expression... And then out of nowhere the boyfriend comes back and starts yelling at me for saying what I said, and then he grabbed Emma's wrist and basically made her go into a room with him. I waited casually outside the door, trying to listen to what was going on... "

Craig paused.

"I really don't think you guys want to hear the rest..."

"I want to know what the hell happened to her!" Toby yelled.

"I think we should go find Jay and the others..." Spinner suggested.

Paige nodded, not really hearing him.

"I think talking to everyone might help... we need to figure out what we're going to do... we can't stay here all night." he continued.

"Okay." Paige replied, squeezing his hand, "let's go back."

Craig sighed, rubbed his hands through his hair, and finally continued.

"I didn't hear everything. He said something like 'This will teach you to think before you let anyone else touch you' and... well... He basically raped her... At first, she tried resisting... but the guy's like a tank and I could hear him slap her when she tried to make him get off of her. Eventually she stopped fighting... I don't know why I didn't do anything. I think I thought I was like hallucinating or something... I didn't realize it was all real... I just... I froze. I got the fuck out of that place when I knew she stopped fighting. I thought she'd go to the cops or something... I didn't know he beat her the way he did... that he threw her out on the road or whatever happened... It's my fault she's like this. It's my fault the guy is loose and... just everything is my fault."

"You son-of-a-bitch!" Toby lunged at Craig.

"Toby, don't!" JT yelled, "We'll figure this out. Craig will go to the cops and tell them. Right?"

Craig vaguely nodded, knowing he was going to have to pay the price for standing still.

"What the hell is going on?" Paige said as she and Spinner walked in.

Toby angrily glared at Craig, as if to say "Go ahead. Tell them Emma's practically dead because you were too incapable of getting her away from Ryan."

He didn't notice Manny leaving, and neither did anyone else.

Manny quietly closed Emma's hospital room door behind her. She quietly walked over to the seat next to the bed, and sat down. Hesitant, she finally took Emma's frail hand in hers and put her head down. She cried herself to sleep.

_"Manny!" Emma giggled, "come on!"_

_As if by magic, Manny was suddenly located on a dirt road leading to a field. Emma was okay. She was dreaming, but she didn't want this to stop. She wanted to see Emma like this forever._

_"Come on! It's getting away!" Emma shrieked._

_"What's getting away?" Manny asked, confused._

_"Come on Manny... come chase the wind with me!" Emma laughing, running down the road towards the field. _

_Manny struggled to keep up, and white light was suddenly surrounding everything but the path and the field. Emma was ahead of her, and the faster Manny ran, the further Emma seemed to be._

_"Come on slow-poke, we can't let it get away!" Emma laughed._

_"Wait for me!" Manny yelled._

_But it was too late, Emma leapt into the field, and the light suddenly blinded her from Manny's view. Millions of multicoloured butterflies left the safety of the tall grass and flew up into the sky and around Manny. Manny was in awe of them, each other practically floating past her, and each with its own unique beauty._

_"Bye Manny!" Emma screamed, hopping down the slope happily._

_BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP._


End file.
